mah partner in crime. unknown sleeper.

haih.. sukan, khemah, merah, perbarisan... so worried. haha! i'm so freakin loud! and i broke my voice in the process. currently i sound lyk a 12 yr old boy on the brink of maturity. so low my voice! haha.. fun! damn a lot of things to do la. gah.. and mummy doesn wan me to be so involved. i think she is kinda right, exam jus round the corner.. feel lyk flunking it tho. not much time to study, but thank goodness got hols la.

oh yes, chs idol. haha! i dunno why, ppl are more concerned abt me goin to the finals than i am! they're so nice! well, its lyk this. i wasn feeling all tht great tht day so i ponteng-ed skul la. wit MC of cos (no bad girl here). so i didn go for the semis la, which apparently was waaaay cool. so comin back to skul the nxt day, many ppl ask why didn go for the semis? and i got all those comments lyk 'u shud have come'.. but im not reli concerned cos to me, its jus singin. lyk, i make it or not, doesn matter. i only enjoy hearing myself sing and if ppl think im good, all the more btr. so thanks guys for asking abt me. haha.. i feel good.





i did this test the other day, a flower test. at the doctor's. its very cool, reli describes me reli well. i picked a blue flower out of 45 diff kinds, and it was spot on. lyk whoever wrote the description knew me super well. it said tht i am very relaxed, esp when it comes to exams. and its known as a confidence flower, means i give other ppl confidence la. well kinda. and its BLUE! and then im pretty open, loud, best to be admired from a distance. my mum was worried abt tht. 'does tht mean no guy is gonna chase you ah?' haha! but she said somethin tht is true la, i am a bit too loud. no matter, i'll jus try to be a lil softer. for the sake of other ppl's ears.

yea hey! i'm not afraid to be spiritual cos i'm proud to be a God-follower! anyway, jus wanna share abt my easter experience la.. its been good to cry out to someone who doesn't judge you, heals your soul and understands every single one of your needs. lolz, if i bore you pls tel me so.

so the sat started out boring and uneventful, jus lyk all my other saturdays are(oh yes, my life is static... explains why i lyk skul). i didn quite remember it was gonna be easter, cos you know the usual get-caught-up-in-life kinda thing. good friday service was on the night before but i can tell you i wasn't reli interested. so yea, and then bla bla bla....the usual boring sleep, eat and shit. then 7 o'clock gotta go to church for youth. now this yr, the big gor gor and je je promised something nice so i went la. the previous yrs wern't anything much to talk about. got my non-practicing christian bro to come along as well, tho tht was a miracle in itself. joanna came along. kinda nice of her cos they had amazing race jus tht morning(man, i shud have signed up). so yadda yada yadda..

the facilitators did a drama, which was not bad considering they don act professionally. i loved it. the drama was titled 'will anyone understand?' kinda went along the lines of the various probs teens faced, and tht they all think tht no one understood them. but the end of it was the best part i think. they had altar call, which means that anyone who feels that they need help or to pray to God jus goes up la. so i went, cos i seriously had a few demons to deal with.

well, as some of you know, i broke up with some one who i thought was reli good for me. i won go into details but the point was i got jealous and hurt and sad and all the stuff tht comes along wit breaking up. yea, its kinda surprising cos i didn feel lyk tht when it first happend. well, i love my mum and all my frens, they been a reli big help. but i couldn reli get over it la. and thre's so much stuff hapenin around tht i desperately wanted to get out of tht deep dark hole, back into the light. and i reli felt tht noone reali truly understood me. i didn even understand myself. and i had no cure, had no clue as to how to get back my life. but i've learnt two phrases tht reli helped.

'its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all'
' if you can take it up, you must be able to put it down'

i found those were wise words. imagine, they came from my mum. so ppl, your mum knows a lot. much more than you think. it is tru tht they have eaen more salt than you eat rice. but tht is kinda easy for my mum cos i don eat rice.

so u avid readers can see my blog hasn been the happy happy kind for a while.. ok, back to altar call. its reli amazing la, how God touched me. ok, you guys know what easter is rite? its the day when jesus rose from the dead when he died for our sins. cos we all do bad stuff so we shud receive punishment for them. and tht is eternal death la. but since jesus died, we can have eternal life and go to heaven. to the ppl who aren't christians, thts our core belief la. so, i was thre, and the feeling was surreal. its very peaceful. i didn need to say anything, i jus stood thre. and i started crying. and saying thank you over and over again. i felt lyk i could live again. breathe in new air. and i started singing 'amazing love'. love tht song! and i felt happy, though i was crying. weird but true.

yea and after tht. i had a, you can call it 'reconciliation', wit an old fren. we havn been talkin a lot lately, and she said sorry and i said sorry. and we're best frens again! haha.. thre's a longer story to tell if i put tht in. but it was one of the reasons i was kinda down. i must admit, im not one for keeping in contact but yea, life's too short to not spread the love around.

so here's amazing love for you(some of it anyway) :

i'm forgiven because you were forsaken
i'm accepted
you were condemned
i'm alive and well your spirit lives within me
because you died and rose again

amazing love i know its true
its my joy to honour you
in all i do
i honour you

hey, christian songs are not all boring you know. not all of them are hallelujah kind. we've got rock pop influences. i have no idea how to put songs in here so i can't let you hear them. but they sound great. go to any youth group and you'll know wht i mean. we play guitar, drums, keyboard, the normal trappings of a band. hey we got live band ok for our services. hehe... btr than nightclub. XP

so basically i came away feeling happy and great. its powerful what God can do.

i don hurt no more.
i can breathe some more.
there's nothing i need to worry about.
cos all i care about
is living my life
the way it used to be

been occupied trying to fill out the form for ASEAN scholarships. its SCAAAARY.... every yr, they are only abt 5 to 50 places offered, depending on which country. so, you can say there is practically almost less than zilch percent i'm gonna get it. but i'll try i'll try. and the fact is, so many ppl out thre are trying to get it, and i look at my records and they are pish-tosh compared to so many ppl.. its lyk so difficult to get a decent education here, where you have to be either super genius, loaded with money or fulfil certain requirements to get a econmical education. mediocre jus won do. even decently average smart is on the borderline. bla... goes to say i'll be elated if i even get pass this round of application. there is stil a selection test, then an interview.. oh i better be praying..