oh the memories..

and to think, that i didn cry. i wish i wish i wish i did. it seems so much more memorable and meaningful to cry, to mark the passing of a major stage in life, with a few drops of salty water.

going through this, made me think about all the friends i have or had. mostly about the friends i had. knowing myself, i've never been one to make a conscious effort to keep a friendship. i think maybe cos i'm a 'now' person. but the past will catch up on you. and thats how the world is. i admit, i'm a terrible friend. so therefore i wil receive my punishment.

it is probably my biggest failing. yes, maybe the reason why i don't make great friends with many ppl, is bcos when they leave my life, i know it will hurt. so not getting too close, is a barrier to stop heartbreak. selfish, yes. heartless, no i hope not.

as you read this, and if you were/are a friend of mine, this is what i am. i, realize that i have failed many people. i shall work on it. as i promise nothing, so shall i receive nothing. thank you to you all, who view me as a human being, who have led me to believe that i'm worth something, although that something might well be a piece of shit.

so as i grow old, and stand watching autumn leaves fall, i think that i will be alone. i will look over a lake and sigh, knowing that the loneliness, was my own doing. looking at faded pictures, playing old songs, that will be me. and i will cry, alone.

(don't bother me, this depressing thought will fade)