XP i'm touched. by the many people who bothered to check on me..

not gonna bother with the reasons cos basically there's only one. (take a guess, its got the letters l-a-z-y)

what happened?

i went jungle-trekking and a snake ate me alive but i or it tasted bad

survived? yup, so finished my semester 1 exam. but not hoping much. the rest? a blur..

so wht now?

just finished my semester 1 exam.. hols now, so i'm reli quite free..

plan to study. (nerd-o!) cos reli knowin myself, i won have time for it ltr.

perdana essay comin up, will win THAT chevrolet aveo!!

piano exam!! oh crap.. its july somethin.. hopefuly don clash wit trailblazer

rage trailblazer in july, crossin fingers tht jo can come.

moving on to how i feel.. (yes, i am human after all)

drained at first.

do you know how it feels like to be depended upon? like a strong sturdy pole for someone to lean on. unfaltering you know? even though inside you're getting a lil tired each day. sometimes you worry cos even when the 'leaner' is on you, he/she is still so feeble you're afraid he/she will fall? and you do wanna help catch them, but it takes strength to change suddenly from a pole to a mattress you know? you just hope that he/she is gonna get back their strength soon, so that you no longer need to bear their weight. heck, someone take him/her off!! need..space..breathe..

sounds so heroic huh? or dramatic, whichever way you call it. go figure..

otherwise, i'm tryin not to blame. really. but i do so sigh at a lot of missed opportunities. (yes, call it a loser's attitude)and not living up to expectations, whether mine or others. and image. oh bloody stinking image. its just so irritating to keep up a front. and don tell me that its not necessary to keep a front.

all that "be yourself" bullshit stuff isn't magic. desperate times call for desperate measures. especially in social situations. you know, i barely know societal etiquette. i wonder whether sometimes i do things wrong. like, was i supposed to shake his hand when i left? or.. do i reli need to compliment her fashion sense? and, i don reli know her, what kind of birthday present to get or should i even be giving something to her when i'd rather save up for somethin else?

hehe..should i even be worried about all this? its inherent, and i intend to be good at this kind of thing by the time i'm working. and i worry, about my social network, or rather, the lack of one. i'm being so honestly frank, it scares me. what if someone i don reli know reads this? i sound like a bloody con-artist/whiner

and yes, i suppose that is my great weakness.

~pathetic little loser