yes, a thought. no wait, many thoughts strike me about her.
how we used to be so close, lyk sisters almost.
i have a theory. if you meet a person at least 3 times, in unrelated events, just by chance and coincidence, their life is somehow very intertwined with yours.
we go a long way back. remember at the sleepover, in that tiny bed, you me and another girl(i forget who), when i crushed you in my sleep? you were tiny back then. me clumsy as usual.
apparently for you, we went even further back than std 6. i dunno when, but i took your glue away while you were using it. and i was mean about it. i don remember that at all. in fact, i didn even think i was mean when i was young. but you told me i was. i believed you. still do.

thats just incident no.1

we were in the same ballet school. and eventually same ballet class. you didn like ms mak, thats all i remember. and sandra wasn yr fav friend either. perhaps in ballet i was only yr acquaintance. prob cos i was a lot in awe of you. you were always good at dancing. learnt faster, technique btr than everyone else. but i always enjoyed talking to you. i knew we clicked. but after i quit ballet, i just didn want to think of it anymore. it brought painful reminders of how my body image was altered.

thats event no.2

horror of horrors, we ended up in the same class in form 1!! i know i had chin mei at the time. but you were one of my close friends too. but i guess i didn reli click with norah, but you did. i know that you and i kept stayin near the top of class. you were 2,1,2 and i was1,2,1. I think.
and the coincidence continued, rigth until form3. same class all the way. i guess in form 2 there was some friction btwn chin mei, you and i. i thought of you as one of my best buds, but chin mei and i were a couple for so long that i was kinda afraid to dump her. i wanted a threesome(not that kind!), but i guess tht didn reli work out. but we were still good. and form 3, was the most awesomest time... so much fun we had, until teacher had to split us up for being too noisy. fantastic 4 and pangkor were lyk my best memories of us.

thats coincidence no.3

ther've been only 2 significant friends who have had 3 uncoordinated events linked to me. 2. yr a rare gift, girl. i guess we drifted cos of distance, and my lack of effort to keep touch. i thought thats how friendships were. impermanent things. ships that would sail after a time. but now i guess i know btr. you've got to moor friendship. keep it anchored to yr dock.

i somehow feel our link is stil thre. though i see you in college, i barely know what is happening to you. i was one of the last to know your desires, your decisions. though i try to read yr blog, you are still secretive with some issues. but i put it down to moving on with life. you go your way, i go with mine. after all, i hold no claim on you. now that i'm moving to hartamas, i think i have the courage.

to apologize.
for 3 yrs of neglect and a yr of suspicion. doesn matter if you don know anything. i don even ask for yr forgiveness. i just needed to say it. i've been planning to write you a birthday letter. but my gut keeps squirming. its the lack of courage. i'll do it, don worry. when i asked my current friends what to do when i kept thinkin of you, they said don give up. so i wont.
truth be told, i wanted to talk to you on graduation last yr. but courage failed me again. thre are many things i would be brave about, but when it comes to you, words fail me.

lol. do i sound like a love struck puppy? how's angel btw? i know you always take care of her. and don worry about calories, you look great. hope you get btr soon, from the stuff that bothers you.