I'm going to London for Sze's bday! Haha..It'll be so great to see her again. On another note, I'm actually starting to look forward to London. There's more things to do there. Though I love the quietness of Southampton, sometimes I get a little bored. Like today after exam, I was like: "I'm bored of staring at my computer screen, watching movies and going online." I don't have that many activities after exams, and I really want to make the most out of life.

Well, now at least I can get to reading The Pact by Jodie Picoult. Vincent said it was really good. I finished Glee Season 1 in 4 days. I'm sick of watching movies..Even House is not something I look forward to anymore. Weird..Must go look for some other occupation. And get out of my small claustrophobic room..I don't think I ever want to live in a flat next time. The view may be fantastic, but I really cannot tahan such a small space. I need room to move about. Will get myself some landed property, semi-detached at least. Uncluttered, clean and zen. Thats the dream..

I still can't run. Stupid shin splints. Tried testing it out today. Guess it means I'll have to stick to rowing and cycling. Which burns my thighs..Ow...And I rowed 100 cals in 11 mins today!!! Woohoo!! Improvement much...Used to do 100 cals in 15 mins, and I did it today after weights in 11!! Haha...Feels good to have achieved something. My speed in doing my routine was way btr too..Weights and cardio all in 1 hour. Usually it takes me 1.5 hours. Whee!!

You know, I'm starting to really enjoy exercise. Its the thing that keeps me busy, after studies. Distracts me from watching too many movies and shows. Stops me from eating too. Haha...Funny, I don't feel like eating as much if I exercise. Like today, I ate moderately, didn't binge on too much yogurt like I have the past few exam days when I didn't exercise. I feel lots healthier, and more energetic too. Haven't lost weight yet though, funny...

Anway, going to the gym is going to be a daily habit now. I missed exercising during the exam period, can you believe it?! Nicole Kwan never would have said that a few months before. Proves that I am changing. For good. Loving it!

~I feel good, I knew that I would

I'm beginning the question my skills as a writer. How is it that I can't seem to write what they want? Why can't I engage them? What has happened to me!? I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, and I know it. Just havn't found the way out yet. I don't and won't give up. But I'm just feeling so....helpless.. I can't find the solution. And I'm scared. I don't have much time left. And I still need to study for exams.

But I'm really grateful to all my friends here la..Thank God I've got good friends, who are willing to spend their time on reading my drafts. And they're honest about it. Hard to find ppl like them. But I need more help than they can give. I need God...Where are You?

Matthew 11:28-30

Here goes ingredients:

On another note, my PS is coming along well.. Its just the 3rd time I've restarted it. Thank goodness its not the 100th. I don think I'll do well for this exams..Too busy doing the PS. I know its my own fault for procrastinating.. But I'm changing. I can feel it.

Physically, have started to gain stamina. Slowly..I feel slightly stronger. And I'm starting to like running. Its fun! Especially when I achieve my target. Feels so good.. But have to rest for prob a week, cos I'm having shin splints. So I'm cross training, rowing and biking. I dunno how other ppl burn so many calories so fast. In 30 mins I usually burn 150 when I row, but I see the other ppl do the same in half the time..I don have that much energy to row so intensely laa...But I know I will be able to do it soon, perhaps in another months time.

Thing is, I've put on 1 kg!! Grr...I hope its muscle, not fat..Cannot be fat right? I've been eating properly, trying to minimize fat in my diet, exercise 4 times a wk at least..And for some weird reason, my shorts are tighter..I hope last weeks weight is becos of my aunty..Tomoro must weigh again.

Mentally and socially, I feel btr too.. Mayb its cos I got my new boots, which feel like school shoes. XP I loved my school shoes. Flat, comfy, soft, and very ME. I'm trying to be friendlier, smiling more, saying hi more..And I feel like a good person. I'm on my way there! Feel slightly more confident. I'm starting to do things because I want to, not bcos I have to. Other than tutorials, cos they're not reli relevant to the current exam, but they're over and done with anyway..

K, PS a-calling..And trying to make peanut butter chicken..

~Lord I need your strength

My concoction. Inspired by Scottish kedgeree. Looks funny, smells fishy, but tastes wunnerful!! All cooked in my tiny 1 person rice cooker

Ingredients:

Oil

However much chopped garlic you like

1 Smoked fish (mine was river cobbler)

1 cup of brown rice

Soya bean milk

Water

1) Put garlic in hot oil in rice cooker.

2) Wait till it browns a lil, put fish in and cover rice cooker.

3) Wait till rice cooker pops, tambah soya bean, enough for the fish to sit in, but not swim in...

4) Cover rice cooker

5) Wait till soya bean reduce a lil, make sure fish is cooked. Flake the fish.

6) Add rice and sufficient water

7) Wait till rice cooker pops, then walah!! Soyabean fish and rice

8) You can also add chilli flakes for a bit of oomph!

As you can see, there's minimal effort involved, but a lot of waiting around. All amounts are guesstimates.

Quite salty!! Cos I marinated the fish in soya sauce and pepper. Next time, just pepper will do. Can't taste the soya bean, but the it makes the overall flavour quite strong. Like you get a punch of flavour. Reminds me of miso.. Texturewise, quite crunchy. Lol, cos I didn put enough water for the rice. But I like it! I ate it with cucumber, and surprisingly got reminded of fried rice..XP

For students who only have a rice cooker, this is good! And for me Mum, if you dont want to cook, just dump everything in the rice cooker. But it may stick to the bottom, cos of the sugar in the soya bean.

Kinda belated wish but, its the thought tht counts no?

Started the new year in Portsmouth with the M'sian gang.. But to me, it was like quite passe. New Year...again...Only now am I starting to feel like "Woohoo! 2010 is here!"

It snowed lots yesterday evening! Coming back at 6pm, thre were people outside my block having a snow fight..My neighbour invited me to join one at 12am, but I was busy prepping for today1s Contract tutorial, had to decline.

I've started a new lifestyle. 5 meals a day, exercise everyday except Mon and Sat. Cannot waste the SportRec. And I really wanna decrease my body fat. Fat, yuck!

OK, now for a lil motivation speech for myself:
What I really wanted to say is, I really have to stop "playing" already. As in, really need to work harder, and step up my game. No more slacking, no more procrastinating, just really go for it. Before this, I was thinking, "I've always been a good girl, now a little bit slack nvm la.." But that is such loser attitude. I wanna get back to whre I was in Form 5. That was the best I was at getting things done, juggling and managing my time. May not have been as good as many other people, but that was the best I have been so far.

I really must grow up a lil bit more. Take life seriously again. For the past month or so, I prob was a bit disillusioned. Like, not really sure who I want to be, what I want to do, in uni and in life. I didn't really want to work hard, just wanted to do "enough". Or like in college, just doggedly chasing results and grades, looking for things to put on my CV, basically trying to be a "model student", so that the unis and scholarships would accept me. I have probably tried the extremes of just slacking and doing whatever I like, and the hurried pursuit of the superficial whilst ignoring my heart's desires.

But I'm getting back on track now. I may still not be sure where I want to go, but at least I must try being the best I can at what I'm doing now. There's still a lil part of me that doesn't want to move out of my comfort zone. I still don't want to work hard for everything. But I'm gonna do it now. I'm gonna start taking more opportunities. Thats the way to live life. Not just "getting by", but actually living it. I'll have my cake and eat it! Work hard, and play hard. I'll need loads of help, encouragement and motivation. Heck, I probably need a little kicking in the ass! But I know I have God. I have family. I have good friends.

Like Stacie Orrico said, "There's gotta be more to life." A lot more I believe. And its there for the taking. I just need to take that first step of faith. Pray for me, I'll prob pray for myself too. Pray I'll take that first step out of my box, and the next, and the next. And keep pushing on. It maybe a lil bit of a selfish prayer, but I believe God wants more out of me. I really can give Him more glory than what I'm doing now. It really is time for me to grow up. I'm 20 this year. The foundations of who I am in my adult life are gonna be laid down for the next few years. I don't wanna drift, and end up dependant on someone else; neither do I want to join the rat race, going after what I "ought" to be doing. I really wonder whats the compromise between these two, as in terms of profession. Currently I know I like reading law. I just don't know if I want to be practicing it. I guess that knowledge can only come when I try an internship, or start working. Which would be next year (gasp!)

There's lots of work to be done. Nicole's first life-changing experience, is about to begin.