Been having the feeling that something bad will happen soon. As karma for all the good things that God has blessed me with recently. Its ridiculous I know. But I can't shake that feeling off. The more I dwell on it, the greater the fear becomes.

I realised I've been trying to run and dodge problems recently. Ignoring them and not facing up to the fact that I am where I am now. I have to acknowledge that God has put me here and now, and that He has a purpose for all this. Some changes are going on now that I have to accept:

1) Growing up and taking on more responsibilities. I get to choose now, out of my own free will, what to do or not to do. And these decisions have consequences. Nobody but myself will take the blame for any mistakes I make. And perhaps worse, other people might end up getting hurt because of my actions.

2) I have a boyfriend, and that in 3-4 years time, I'll be at an age where I want to be married. As part of growing up, I have to prepare for my future and start planning for it. If there's one consistent advice I've been getting from people around me, it is to plan. And plan early. And plan to fail along the way and learn from the experience. I still have time on my side, that's the plus point. And enough time to fail, enough time to learn how to succeed. Same goes for work.

3) Work is getting tough. I have to start taking my job seriously, not just assume that the boss is going to babysit me and spoon feed me. This is working life, not school anymore. What he assigns me to do, I must apply brains and devise a way to go about it to get it done. He won't tell me what to do step by step. If he does, it won't be explained why he is doing it the way he is doing it. This is how the boss is gonna train me. Either suck it up and man up, or leave and find somewhere else where the training style is more like school.

4) I will have to start taking care of my parents. Not the other way round. Grandparents won't be around forever, and parents too. Death is inevitable, so cherish the times I have with them.

5) Personality wise I have room for improvement. Traits I should cultivate include being more humble. More understanding and emphatic. To have a servant attitude, and less of a selfish attitude. To expect more from myself, and less from others.

The only consolation I have is that I have taken steps to grow closer to God. And I am glad and proud of myself that I have and can make some decisions and stick to them. I'm glad of where I am, and realise that I am truly blessed. Just have to remind myself that God's hand is always in my life, and that this is all for His glory, not mine.